(Editors note: Read about Tom Brady’s press conference response here.)
(Houston, TX) – Tom Brady, the famed and adored quarterback for the New England Patriots has been found to have used both endogenous opioid neuropeptides and dihydroxyphenethylamine in the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl LI upset against the Atlanta Falcons. Testing has proven without a doubt that Tom Brady’s body contained high levels of both of these performance enhancing substances while leading his team on their history-making overtime comeback.
Fans who are upset have expressed disbelief that substances such as these would be allowed in the NFL. However, neither of these substances are currently banned.
Dr. Frederick Hansel, head of Sports Medicine at the Mayo Clinic was not surprised. “Of course he would take advantage of these substances. Who wouldn’t? It is very widespread throughout the sporting world.”
When asked whether he believed that these substances should be banned, Dr. Hansel replied that he thought that it would signal the death of the NFL.
“I don’t see how anyone could play football without using either of these performance enhancing substances. You’d have to be super-human to try.”
At the time of this writing, there are no plans for the NFL to sanction Tom Brady for his use of these performance enhancing substances. However, many fans are still in doubt as to how the NFL should handle the situation.
For more information about endogenous opioid neuropeptides:
For more information about dihydroxyphenethylamine:
Novel Premise 
[…] allegations (see this article) state that Tom Brady had both endogenous opioid neuropeptides and dihydroxyphenethylamine present […]
LikeLike