(Washington, DC) – President-Extant Donald Trump today announced that he is seeking a 10 percent increase in defense spending in his new budget proposal. This would amount to a $54 billion increase over the current level of spending on military and other defense expenditures. This figure does not include the $20 billion that the President-Extant is asking for the re-design of the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter by American multinational conglomerate Alphabet, Inc. 

Most amazingly, Trump intends to enact these increases without raising taxes or cutting spending from other budget areas.
 
Political commentators and Washington insiders were skeptical of Trump’s plans until he revealed today at a press conference how he plans to pay for the increases.

“It’s simple, very simple. We are importing cocaine from Bolivia, Columbia and Peru at astounding levels; astonishing levels. Levels so high that they defy counting. These countries don’t buy from our cocaine labs; they don’t buy from us; it’s all one way. The previous administration was apparently okay with this trade imbalance, but I’m here to tell you that it all ends today. No more trade imbalance. Effective immediately, the United States is imposing a 50% tariff on illegal cocaine imports from Bolivia, Columbia and Peru.”

Hundreds of journalists took out their slide rules and fiddled for a few minutes before the entire crowd started to buzz with excitement. “It works out,” said sports-writer Rick Hummemmen of the Denver Post. “It absolutely works out.”

Others were a bit more skeptical. “How will we enforce these tariffs?” asked CNN junior political commentator Carl Bernstein.

“There’s honor among thieves,” replied Trump. “Trust me, there’s honor among thieves. We’ll collect.”

Bolivian President Evo Morales waited for a half hour before being called on by the President-Extant. “How specifically will you enforce the tariff. I mean specifically.”

“Specifically? Why specifically? Trust; honor. Honor and trust. Capiche?” replied Trump.

Sitting down, Morales commented, “No hay problema. Solo siendo segura. ¿Tenis más tarde?”

“No me lo perdería por nada en el mundo,” El Presidente Trump dijo.