(Washington, D.C.) – U.S. President-Extant Donald Trump and the First Lady Melania Trump are planning their first White House State Dinner since January’s inauguration.

Among the guests for the formal dinner are heads of state from U.S. allies throughout the world, including Taiwan, the Falkland Islands, Tibet, Palestine, and the Islamic Caliphate. Surprisingly missing from the list of invitees are Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip. 

According to White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer, the British Royals will not be invited until Prince Philip produces his birth certificate, in order to prove that he is British, and is not a citizen of any less economically sound country.

Spicer remarked, “the President has always held this position, and has never waivered. During the Obama years, he saved our country from much embarrassment by demanding to see the President’s birth certificate, and having it validated by hundreds of paid evaluators, prior to grudgingly acknowledging that President Obama was indeed born in the United States. If he holds America to such a high standard, how could he do any less for our immigrants, even the very special, honored, and extremely temporary ones?”

A Buckingham Palace spokeswoman said, “Their Majesties are quite confused by the behavior of the American President. In no way has the Prince ever represented himself as having been born in the United Kingdom. He is proud of his birth and lineage, and has always been public regarding his esteemed family history.”

President-Extant Trump tweeted the following:

“HRH Prince Philip; house of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg; sounds foreign to me. #birther”

A later tweet from the President-Extant was revealing:

“Pay no attention to State Dinner invitee list. Treaties have yet to be signed. #newfriends”

Prince Philip became a naturalized British subject after World War II, having renounced his Greek and Danish royal titles. 

Prince Philip, a self-proclaimed life-long practitioner of “dontopedalogy,” reportedly replied, “I’ve been going to the White House for over 60 years. We even have our own private bedroom. I’ll be staying there long after Mr. Trump goes back to his real home.”

Sean Spicer hesitated in responding to Prince Philip’s remarks, as he, the President, and the White House Chief Usher conducted a search of the second-floor residence in an attempt to find the Royal Couple’s private bedroom.