(London, UK) – UK Prime Minister Theresa May finally signed a letter dissolving the relationship between the UK and the European Union. The letter, hand-delivered to the European Council, officially triggered Article 50 of the E.U. charter.

European Council President Donald Tusk said there was “no reason to pretend that this is a happy day.” His wife interjected that their youngest child, Sam, had just used the potty for the first time. President Tusk broke into a grin, but otherwise failed to acknowledge this reason for happiness.

After signing the letter, Prime Minister May signed another piece of legislation that called for the creation of a canal to cut off England and Scotland from the rest of Europe. The canal would be an average of 64m deep, and run about 560km from the southern part of the North Sea to the Atlantic Ocean. This would complete the departure of the UK from the E.U., and prevent French citizens from accidentally wondering into British territory.

According to sources in Parliment, the canal is to be paid for by the French through the institution of tariffs on imports into UK member countries and territories. Prime Minister May said that the French would benefit from paying for this canal with greater autonomy and guaranteed acccess to UK markets.

“On the heels of our departure from the E.U, this canal is intended to be a sign of our continued goodwill towards our neighbors. Any economic harm that may befall either of our countries will be offset by either the influx of new captital into the UK economy, or the reclamation of territory from our French allies.”

Oxford Civil Engineering Professor Thomas Blakley has estimated that it will take 30,000 laborers digging 8 hours a day 20 years to complete the canal. This does not include the labor that will be needed to create temporary dams against the North Sea and the Atlantic Ocean. If mechanical equipment is used, the canal could be completed by 500 laborers in about 5 years.

Even though this legislation passed Parliment unanimously, it has led to heated arguments regarding what to name the canal. Suggestions have included: The Great Thames; The Great Seine; The North Atlantic Passage; The English Channel; The Moat of Salvation; and The Franglish Canal. The majority are supporting calling the canal The Great Thames.

Meanwhile, French President François Hollande has announced that France will be building a 50km underground tunnel between Folkestone, Kent, UK and Coquelles, Pas-de-Calais, France. This tunnel will be up to 115m below sea level, and is intended to foil any attempt to keep the French out of England after the completion of the canal. Hollande ended his announcement by saying “Mieux vaut prévenir que guérir. Mais qui vivra verra!”