From time to time I like to do some deep research. Especially when it keeps my kids off my back, gives them something to look forward to, and provides a benefit for humanity.

This year, I decided to research what people are naming their cats, and the meanings behind these names. To do this, I interviewed a random sample of ten cat owners on our block, and compiled the results. I left the ordering of the names up to my kids, based on how much they like each particular neighbor. 

• 10.  Cat  – Named by Mrs. Rhodes. Not very original, but this one wasn’t difficult to figure out. Mrs. Rhodes didn’t want to be interviewed, and refused to open her door after our first conversation. She collects lots of junk, and probably just adopted her cat when he wouldn’t leave her property.
• 9. Sprinkles – Member of the Hoy family. According to Joey Hoy, age 6, the cat was given this name because it was the last one in the litter to be box-trained. He was never quite fast enough to avoid a mess.
• 8. Hello – Owned by Lucy Springton, age 11. Lucy’s mother says that she bought Lucy a ton of Hello Kitty merchandise, and decorated her room with Hello Kitty wallpaper. The result was inevitable. 
• 7. Godzilla – Named by the Jones family. Mrs. Jones felt that it was unethical to declaw their cat. When Mr. Jones saw the state of their furniture after a week, he gave Ruffles his new name. It stuck. 
• 6. Princess Tiger Lily, Lady of Evenshire – Named primarily by Susie Vilante, age 5. The Vilante parents are avid Ren-Fest people, and it appears to be rubbing off on the kids. I don’t let my kids play at this house. 
• 5. Everclear – Named by Grampa Schneider, who lives with his son, daughter-in-law, five grandkids, two dogs, a macaw, three rats, and a garden snake. Mr. Schneider says that one day one of the kids asked Gramps if he needed anything. He responded, “Everclear.” After consulting amongst themselves, they determined that he could only be referring to the cat. The name stuck, and Gramps eventually had a panic attack.
• 4. Al – Member of the Anderson family. Coincidently named after a favorite uncle, but when they realized that the whole family was allergic to cat hair, they declared the name to be short for Albuterol. They say that they are all allergic to my kids, too.
• 3. Fido – The Hendersons wanted to adopt a dog, but the SPCA only had cats left. Mr. Henderson felt he couldn’t come home emptyhanded. Stubborn kids, but fun.
• 2. Surprise – When the Millers brought home their cat, they didn’t know the first thing about caring for pets. The kids agreed to do all of the work. After the second week of cleaning up vomit and “accidents” around the house, the kids stopped taking notice. SURPRISE!!! Guess who’s taking care of the cat now?
• 1. Splotch – The number one most popular cat name for 2017 goes to the Miltonshoen family. Their cat has the strangest markings on its back and everyone who visits mentions that they ought to wash the “splotch” off of him before it becomes permanent.

There you have it; the ten most popular cat names for 2017. I plan to have more articles like this in the future. Research is most definitely in my blood!

Until next time,

Anne Stallings, for Novel Premise